"I'm not on a diet, I'm just practicing for my next bikini role... as a lifeguard."
"Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do. Stop acting like it's punishment for what you ate."
"Sure, I could eat kale chips and quinoa every day, but then I'd be the healthiest, most miserable person I know."
"My fitness goal is to be able to run away from my problems... or at least walk briskly towards them."
"If you can laugh at yourself when you trip over your own shoelaces, you've got the perfect attitude for weight loss."
"My doctor told me to lose weight, so I switched doctors. Now I have a new doctor who tells me I'm beautiful just the way I am. Much better."
"The only thing I weigh myself with these days is sarcasm."
"Sure, I'll start my diet tomorrow. Today is National Pizza Day, and you just can't argue with tradition."
"My workout routine is simple: I lift whatever falls on the floor."
"Remember, abs are just muscles under fat. So technically, I already have them! You're welcome."